Just be nice – one comment at a time

by | May 7, 2015 | 0 comments

Good Morning friends! Happy friday! I hope this finds you all well and that you have had a lovely week.

I wanted to chat today about something completely unrelated to food and instead about something that has been sitting a little heavy on my heart.

I have stepped away a little from my personal Facebook page the last few months as statuses and conversations I read are becoming more and more rude, bitter, negative and argumentative which leads to awful and often misunderstood arguments and broken friendships. Facebook seems to have turned into a “type anything you feel you need to get off your chest” forum rather than a connecting one, which it once was! I know I have fallen into the trap myself – I see something I don’t like on FB or something happens in my life which upsets me or makes me angry and I turn to Facebook to vent and have other females virtually pat me on the back and cheer me on with my rant. It’s a strange habit that we have created and one that is so very different to ‘real life’ conversations and relationships. For a sensitive person (and owning that trait now proudly) it can be hard to be involved in and it can get you down. Let’s face it, words can hurt.

So, what to do? Deactivate your account – Step away – Bite your tongue – or whatever works for you. BUT … what happens when this kind of thing happens to your face? There is no deactivate or block button in face-to-face real life.

Yesterday I went to the Hairdressers and this happened to me. After getting my hair done and feeling relaxed with soft, controlled, unfrizzy hair that I know will only last until I wash it next … I went into a shop and in conversation with the shop assistant told her I was only in that area every 8 weeks for the Hairdresser and her reply kind of took me by surprise – it would be something I would expect from a social media ‘keyboard warrior’ ! She snarled at me (you know that snooty, looking down her nose, sarcastic rude tone) and said “well aren’t YOU lucky to have THAT Luxury” …. what went through my head in the next 30 seconds was quite a lot. I wanted to ask why she felt the need to be rude and sarcastic. I wanted to tell her that I have four children and run a fulltime business working over 40 hours a week. I wanted to tell her that the cost of my hairdresser appointment was FAR less than my daughters weekly dance lessons or my husbands Squash Comp. I wanted to tell her that I don’t do anything like that, so this is my treat. I wanted to tell her that in the last 18 months since my 4 year old twins started Preschool I have been to the hairdresser 5 times – although I had intended on going every 8 weeks – and if I broke it down further, in the last 6 years I have gone 5 times – which meant for 4 ½ years I never went once. I wanted to tell her that I suffer major depression and anxiety and sometimes struggle to leave the house. I wanted to tell her it wasn’t nice to judge. I wanted to tell her that it would have been so much nicer for her to say ‘your hair looks nice’.

Instead, I smiled, said ‘yes I am’ and walked out.

On the way home I couldn’t stop thinking about it (remember my sensitive comment above!) and decided that whilst her comment to me was rude and unnecessary, what went through my head in that 30 seconds wasn’t nice either and no matter what I do, I can’t control other peoples negative comments or feelings – I can simply remove myself from the situation (like I did), I can pray for them because I don’t know what she was going through which made her feel the need to be rude (which I did) and I decided to turn all my negative thoughts into positive ones (which is what I am doing here) — because after all I can only change MY mind … and positive thoughts sit so much better with me than ugly negative ones.

Does any of this resonate with you? Do you suffer from negative thoughts? Do you think you could be more caring? Why not try some of these things ….

Next time you want to snap at someone – bite your tongue and remove yourself from the situation.

Next time you are going to throw hurtful words at someone throw those words back at yourself and see how they taste.

Ask yourself why you feel the need to argue and what you are really hoping to achieve by your comments.

Don’t judge or compare. You don’t know what others are going through.

Offer a sincere compliment to someone every day.

Go 24 hours without gossiping or complaining.

Consider others feelings and consider not only the stress your comments might cause them but how ‘kind’ words might bring them much needed happiness.

Turn negative thoughts into positives.

Keep a daily gratitude journal and every night list 5 things you are grateful for.

Practice ‘Random acts of Kindness’.

Just be nice.

I don’t necessarily believe in ‘luck’ but it seems that ‘lucky’ seems to be linked a lot to people and what they have, so for the sake of my point I will use that word.

Yes I am lucky. I am lucky that I get to go to the hairdressers every 8 weeks. I am lucky that I have 4 children and now that the twins are at preschool 3 days a week I am able to have a little ‘me’ time. I am lucky to have a successful business that keeps me up late at night, which causes me to lose sleep and get bags under my eyes and allows me to help, support and encourage others in their daily journey of food allergies and intolerances and that allows families to enjoy my recipe creations in their homes. I am lucky because my eldest two daughters and husband have sports that they love which we can afford. I am lucky that the last few months my Mum travels one hour each way to baby sit the twins one night a week so I don’t have to take them to sit at their big sisters dancing for 2 hours. I am lucky that because of my depression and anxiety I can relate to more people, I can empathize with others going through this. Because of my depression and anxiety I have found the friends and family that are willing to be there for me in ‘good times and bad’ and it’s so unbelievably touching knowing that you are being prayed for and you are loved even when you aren’t at your happiest. I wanted to tell her how lucky I am to live in a world where we have fresh water and food in excess. I wanted to tell her how lucky I was to get a message from one of my closest friends that day announcing the safe arrival of her baby, knowing that he will be bought up in a Country with 24 hour medical attention, amazing choices of Schools and a Church ‘family’ that will love him and support his parents in anyway they can. I wanted to tell her how lucky I was to have the knowledge of how important it is to be positive, kind and happy – which is so essential for my overall health and happiness.

I can imagine people wanting to hashtag first world problem to this comment the lady made to me and yes I know it is BUT if what you have got out of this is only that, then I kindly ask you to re-read this and see if you can find a deeper reasoning that my message is pointing to.

Take Care of You,

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