A ‘real ‘ happy 2020 from me to you!
Good Morning friends! I hope this finds you well.
As it is New Years Eve tomorrow, I thought I would take a moment, like most years, and send you all a message.
I’ve been mindlessly scrolling social media this morning whilst having a quiet cuppa before my four kids wake. I started feeling encouraged, excited and enthused with so many ‘end of 2019’ posts and memes. It’s the end of a year. A new, bright, fresh one begins. On top of that, low and behold, it’s an entire new decade. That has to mean big positive changes can come our way. Surely?
I stopped and thought on this for a moment. I then silently began to freak out. What is this new year and new decade going to bring for me and my family? How do I be the person I wish to be without all these health baggage issues? What’s the World going to look like in another 10 years’ time? What message am I going to write on here to you all, to encourage and inspire you?
I kind of feel like a fraud.
You see, I could sit here and tell you all of this.
I bought myself my first ever pair of branded, decent and comfortable joggers the other day at Boxing Day sales. I could tell you that my aim is to exercise more. However, the word ‘more’ could be taken out of that last sentence. Just exercise. I wouldn’t say jog, because I have been there, tried that and failed miserably. Just move. Walk. Stroll. Breathe. Get my body moving.
I could also tell you that my aim is to be a happier and healthier person as a whole. Keep working on my bipolar and my mental health, keep journeying on my gut health. Keep trying to be a loving, encouraging, happy and present Mum and wife, family member and friend.
My aim for 2020 is to also get back to going to Church more regularly, start reading my Bible again, perhaps make a friend or two there and enliven my spiritual health.
Being a whole New Year I could take this opportunity to be more relaxed. I could not cry with thoughts of self-doubt when Facebook memories remind me of lost friendships or when Anniversaries pop up that remind me of departed loved ones. I could change my entire life by thinking positive.
I could really take a hold of my hormones and not allow them to take over. Surely, I have the power to do this. As I sit here (not hormonal), I tell myself that when I am hormonal and I am on the shower floor crying for two days straight, and when I can’t speak to anyone and my desire to get out of bed and function is at 0%, I can and will get myself out of this. I just need to be stronger. I can force myself to not wallow in self-pity. I am going to do this starting next year.
Being a New Year, it is a time to reassess my business. I love my business. I have great plans ahead. It is truly exciting. I have a massive year with projects coming up but, I will handle it. I won’t stress myself out, I won’t cry that ‘I feel like I am doing everything’ or ‘I feel like no one is listening’ or ‘I feel alone’ or ‘I am not good enough’. I won’t freak out if the timeline I have set for myself isn’t exactly on track. I will handle it calmly and like a boss.
I could say that. All of that.
But I am not going to.
Why? Because … life.
Thinking of all these things that I could focus on and change in the new year honestly makes my chest tighten and starts to suffocate me. I know from past years, months, days and hours that life can turn so quickly and it isn’t just my mental health issues that makes my life do that. I know I am not alone with this.
I can have every good intention of exercising, being calmer, happier etc etc but the fact is, much of this is out of my control.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to be negative. I am being realistic because I know that a new year or a new day doesn’t clear the slate with health and past issues. For me, this is what I need. I am allowing myself to be human. To be perfectly imperfect. To be broken at times.
I am actually looking forward to the year of 2020, without overthinking the unknown. My eldest will be 18 (seriously when did I get that old!) then my second daughter 16. My Dad 70. We’ll be supporting teenagers through Year 12 and Year 10 at school and celebrating with both graduations. My Eilidh (Frenchie!), will hopefully become a Mumma for the first time. I’ll be heavily involved in a demanding, yet fun project with work. It’s going to be a big year. I need to remind myself of a few things and just breathe.
I am going to remind myself constantly, and I encourage you to do the same, to focus on being who you want to be, one moment at a time. Set realistic goals, read helpful books, unfollow unhelpful / negative / damaging people, encourage good healthy relationships, prioritise YOU for even just 10 minutes a day, nourish your body, your temple, with good nutritious food and water. Be less selfish. Smile at that exhausted Mum or elderly man in the supermarket. Smile even more at the grumpy sales person. Focus on good. Start a gratitude journal. Dance & sing like no one is watching and really, who cares if they are. Put your phone down and be present. Be grateful for little things as often as you can. Like yourself. Ask for help if needed. Know you are never alone.
You do have a certain amount of power to say ‘ok, enough is enough, let’s do this’ if you need changes in your life. Being encouraged, excited, determined and ready for change is not at all a bad thing. Just please, please remember, being positive and focused is great, just be gentle and kind with yourself along the way.
I believe there is no such thing as perfect. I also believe there is such thing as happy.
- A new year. A new decade.
My wish for you is simple. Happy.
“Research has shown that long-term happiness, feeling content with life, stems from feeling and being in charge of as much of our life as possible. It’s not about smiling all the time nor does it stem from money or health, but a self-belief you are on the road you want to be on.” –Action for Happiness
Take Care of You,
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